In the name of God Part 2

I've just gotten off a chat with a friend based in Australia and the impression they get of Malaysia from reading the news is CHAOS. People from Singapore ask me how we are, are we ok? Well, couldn't be better in fact. After some vandalism from a bunch of brainless dimwits, the fall-out effect is mainly bad PR overseas. The fact that these sneak vandals wrecked their unholy vengence in the Klang valley only is lost on most overseas observers. What with all the negative publicity coming from Malaysia in recent and not-so-recent times, i can't blame em. We've had a rabid former prime minister who bites anyone western and hates them to pieces (God he's like Mr. Jinx the fucking cat: I HATE MEE-CES TO PIECES!!! and till today the fucker still can't stfu), we've had some Al Qaeda wannabes join some shadowy outfit and doing their stupid shit in Indonesia and getting caught and shot to death eventually. We've had periodic stupid pronouncements from some of our mini-Hitlers here, a brandishing of the keris there and a let's put-them-in-their-fucking place pronouncements here there and everywhere. Yes that'll do the trick. Now everyone thinks Malaysia is some kind of unstable, high-on-Allah, can't-control-themselves freakazoid land. There, you stupid motherfuckers HAPPY NOW?

In the name of God

The recent hoohah over the word "Allah" has culminated in a court decision upholding free speech and then the government stepping in to appeal against the high court's decision, obtaining a stay of execution without objection from the Herald lawyers then protests after Friday prayers at the National Mosque and Kampung Baru and then damage to properties all in the Klang valley. The government was quick to move in to stem the damage and offer police protection to all churches though there was little that police could do to stop sporadic isolated acts of violence and damage to cars etc that bore Christian stickers.
Allah or Tuhan or God or Jehovah or YHWH or whatever that we chose to call the Almighty, would probably be amused that his fan club here on earth has gone out fighting for who's right it is to use one particular version of His name.
At issue is the question of free speech and tolerance. The word Allah has been used by native east Malaysian Christians for years before the recent hoohah with no problems. No one cared. The worries now are mostly west Malaysian, typically the conservative, fervent, mostly young malay muslims who object to its use mainly because they fear that it will lead the faithful astray. But what's in a name? When Jacob wrestled the Angel and the Angel was overcome, Jacob asked the Angel what was his name to which the Angel (God in disguise) replied: "why do you want to know My name? It is too wonderful to know". But no, we must give Him a name and that name shall be the holy of holies. OK i can accept that us human beings lack the capacity to understand many things, more so things divine. But the real victims of this past week's violence albeit tame in comparison to other countries, is the body blow to moderates across the racial and religious divide. Just a small miniscule minority of muslims are responsible for the violence but the damage to the image of Islam has been done. Islam will more than ever be viewed as a religion of intolerance and violence due to these few rotten apples. As usual, the victims here are the moderates be they moderate Muslims or moderate Christians.
God, Allah, Tuhan, YHWH, whatever that you chose to call Him, is just fine. He doesn't need your muscle to back him up. Thanks but really, no thanks.

in the wilderness again

Would I that I was more intelligent, more careful, more observant, faster, wittier, all of the above and more. But i'm stuck in this shell of a person with few accomplishments and zero prospects. i look around me and all i see is more suffering, more misunderstanding, more tediousness and falseness. The world is a pretty messed up place. As am I. We'd like to change things but things don't change easily. Seldom. i'm all prepared for another round of recriminations and my mind is stuck on second gear as always. i don't see any goodness. i don't see God. Maybe God is just our selfish need for shelter from the ever-darkening and angry skies. All trapped in this life and with nowhere to go but home.

Humility

(Left: picture of Calcutta's late Mother Teresa)

I was at my in-laws' place last weekend and i suddenly became very annoyed at the sight of used tissue papers thrown carelessly about outside the dustbin, papers strewn everywhere and what appeared to me to be the general messiness of the place. Then i started judging my in-laws with some ill-conceived higher "standard" that i felt they didn't measure up to. I was ready to leave their house immediately and go home to where i felt things were cleaner and a better environment for me and my baby daughter. But i didn't take into account the feelings of my wife. This was her home. Her family. Her folks. And i was passing judgment on her when i passed judgment on them. After leaving the house in a hurry and having gone home i thought over things and decided that i had acted rather badly. I called my mom-in-law the next day while i was at work, spoke gently to her and apologised several times eventhough she made as if nothing had transpired other than our leaving her house in a hurry presumably because i was in a hurry to get some chores done. The point is, i had been arrogant and judgmental. Ever since that day and even before that incident i have been scouring the internet in search of the magic word, "Humility". Humility as i understand it is to be aware of one's self-worth and not have others act in ways you would rather they'd act/be. Humility is about self-control as opposed to controlling others. Humility isn't about putting oneself down in Uriah Heep fashion to gain praise approval and accolade from others for feigned modesty but to take oneself as one is, in full and true appreciation of one's weaknesses and flaws and accepting the Will of God. Humility isn't staged. True humility is what makes one acceptable to God. Humility prepares the way for other virtues. Humility endures like the deep blue sea so that anything thrown into it would merely cause a momentary ripple only to be absorbed and incorporated as a part of the greater whole. So as the year draws to a close and i have some time now to reflect on myself, i ask for God's grace to grow in humility and to become a better person than i was in 2009. This entails many many things and i am just starting on this road of transformation and i realize that i will fall along the way many times but i must with the grace of God persevere and continue until i have reached my goal - to grow in humility. To endure all, to embrace all hardships and abuse real or imagined, not to expect others to conform to my thinking of how things should be, but rather to control myself and to change myself. Happy New Year.

What happened to the Internet we used to know?

Things have a way of creeping up on you unawares in this here our good old Malaysia. Like how the internet has changed since its introduction to Malaysia in the early 90s to what it is today. www.yahoo.com has become m.www.yahoo.com while www.google.com has become www.google.com.my in the last couple of years (or less if memory does not serve me incorrectly). So while we haven't had full-scale censorship YET, the fact is that with these changes the government can very easily impose censorship a la China. Maybe at first they will cite pornography as an excuse to crack down on the internet. Then after that, "National Security" or whatever excuse they can think of to get their hands on the only channel of freedom we have left in Malaysia. You see, they can censor local newspapers and magazines by threatening not to renew publishing licenses. Even the Catholic Herald was threatened of all publications. But they cannot censor the internet as easily. Well, until now. They can now. I'm betting it is only a matter of time before they pull the plug on the internet. And by golly, do they ever have a thousand reasons not to allow free and unfettered discussion of their policies and actions! Imagine Malaysia being subject to censorship over the internet as China now does. Your search engines will be blocked from accessing "sensitive" sites or whatever is deemed by the authorities to be unpalatable to them and theirs. I remember the internet when it was first introduced, what a beautiful place it was what pleasure to surf, i could browse on any subject, look up on any information, get views and opinions on any subject under heaven. Old Mahathir guaranteed that our internet would be free of censorship. Fast forward 15 years later and the multi media super corridor is almost non-existent, nobody is pouring in money into developing Malaysia's IT industry and so the reason for keeping the internet free, ie. to attract foreign FDIs into Malaysia have all but disappeared. Now slowly i am seeing the internet getting monetised in all its facets and coming in the government's cross hairs for censorship. They may deny it, but don't be surprised if what you search for doesn't come up on screen cos some bureaucratic pen pusher decided it was for your own good. We are already seeing this happening now. Censorship kills independent thought. It is the tool a regime resorts to to stifle dissent and perpetuate its lies. Without questions being asked, without probing, without checks and balances, they can get away with anything. And they have gotten away with quite a lot already, haven't they?

Burn baby burn

We live in the Age of the Gloss. Form over substance, appearance over content. Nothing is what it seems. The government speaks in doublespeak we cannot trust our institutions our leaders lie. We must scrutinise, examine and do due diligence or be prepared to be SHAFTED. Words are just words, lip service is easy, no one gives a Good God Damned so long as the party and the music plays on. Hey Maestro, let the good times roll! Then someone whispered: "we live in steadily coarsening times, bro". This is not just because people do not care anymore or they're just too tired to care. The culture glosses over everything. Instant gratification instant oats instant love instant sex, you see it on TV (I keep switching channels but one show isn't very much different from another). Lift up the carpet and you'll see a writhing pile of maggots feasting on the decayed bloated corpses of Prime Ministers past. Blue veins pop all over their dead pale decomposed skins like a dead man's body floating on the river in the hot afternoon sun. When the man dies, let him be cremated in a giant funeral pyre. No Worms, i hear. Fire cleanses, fire purifies everything. Prometheus' gift to mankind it's the BEST.

a fool and his money are soon...

...PARTED! I am by nature an easy-going person. I like to do things in my own time, unhurried and maybe dilly-dally when I can. However, when it comes to buying stuff, i am always in a hurry. I don't really know why. Yesterday i went out on another matter and along the way i saw this new baby shop opened along the coastal highway that a salesgirl from another shop had recommended to me in glowing terms. Once inside i was disappointed for i had been led to believe that this shop would have most products anyone would need for babies. This one was in fact poorly-lit and looked like a small shop. Behind the counter was a pleasant Malay lady and her 2 -year old daughter. I asked for breast milk storage bottles and she showed me what her shop stocked. I looked at her product and immediately knew that this wasn't what my wife had in mind when she asked me to buy some breastmilk storage bottles. But against my best instincts and seeing as there was nary a customer in that shop, seeing that lady and her little girl and that little shop, i was moved to buy something from her to support her little business. And so i bought the product and sure enough later that night my wife having examined and opened the package told me that she couldn't use it. The storage cups were too wide/impractical and the mouth wouldn't fit in with the breast pump she was using. Incidents such as these have happened to me before and yet i never seem to learn. I'm a lousy shopper, I admit. Only i hardly shop for stuff other than books for myself and some clothes come the Chinese New Year. I do not have the eye for good products but i do know instinctively when something is a bad deal. And yet i go ahead and buy it for all the wrong reasons. This made me feel really stupid and small last night. My wife told me that money was hard to earn and i couldn't agree more with her. It wasn't a lot of money, but it was a bad deal. Is it because spending money makes one feel good? Shopping for relief? I thought that only happened to women. I'm like a deer surrounded by lions whenever i go out in search of something to buy. Very bad decisions. I need the gift of discernment in this. It is a real puzzle to me why i do some things the way i do them. Human beings can be irrational but surely we learn from our mistakes? What the heck is the matter with me??