Humility

(Left: picture of Calcutta's late Mother Teresa)

I was at my in-laws' place last weekend and i suddenly became very annoyed at the sight of used tissue papers thrown carelessly about outside the dustbin, papers strewn everywhere and what appeared to me to be the general messiness of the place. Then i started judging my in-laws with some ill-conceived higher "standard" that i felt they didn't measure up to. I was ready to leave their house immediately and go home to where i felt things were cleaner and a better environment for me and my baby daughter. But i didn't take into account the feelings of my wife. This was her home. Her family. Her folks. And i was passing judgment on her when i passed judgment on them. After leaving the house in a hurry and having gone home i thought over things and decided that i had acted rather badly. I called my mom-in-law the next day while i was at work, spoke gently to her and apologised several times eventhough she made as if nothing had transpired other than our leaving her house in a hurry presumably because i was in a hurry to get some chores done. The point is, i had been arrogant and judgmental. Ever since that day and even before that incident i have been scouring the internet in search of the magic word, "Humility". Humility as i understand it is to be aware of one's self-worth and not have others act in ways you would rather they'd act/be. Humility is about self-control as opposed to controlling others. Humility isn't about putting oneself down in Uriah Heep fashion to gain praise approval and accolade from others for feigned modesty but to take oneself as one is, in full and true appreciation of one's weaknesses and flaws and accepting the Will of God. Humility isn't staged. True humility is what makes one acceptable to God. Humility prepares the way for other virtues. Humility endures like the deep blue sea so that anything thrown into it would merely cause a momentary ripple only to be absorbed and incorporated as a part of the greater whole. So as the year draws to a close and i have some time now to reflect on myself, i ask for God's grace to grow in humility and to become a better person than i was in 2009. This entails many many things and i am just starting on this road of transformation and i realize that i will fall along the way many times but i must with the grace of God persevere and continue until i have reached my goal - to grow in humility. To endure all, to embrace all hardships and abuse real or imagined, not to expect others to conform to my thinking of how things should be, but rather to control myself and to change myself. Happy New Year.