in the wilderness again

Would I that I was more intelligent, more careful, more observant, faster, wittier, all of the above and more. But i'm stuck in this shell of a person with few accomplishments and zero prospects. i look around me and all i see is more suffering, more misunderstanding, more tediousness and falseness. The world is a pretty messed up place. As am I. We'd like to change things but things don't change easily. Seldom. i'm all prepared for another round of recriminations and my mind is stuck on second gear as always. i don't see any goodness. i don't see God. Maybe God is just our selfish need for shelter from the ever-darkening and angry skies. All trapped in this life and with nowhere to go but home.