I quit smoking cigarettes when i was in my late 20s. The habit started back when i had just finished secondary school in Singapore and i scored well in the exams and my head was all swelled-up. At the Junior College orientation night i bought a packet of menthol cigarettes to smoke afterwards. I had seen my cousin smoking and he looked cool so i thought it would also look good on me. But the girl i was with that night during orientation didn't think it was cool, cos after i started smoking and escorted her home, she turned around and told me she wasn't interested to see me any more. So much for macho guy cool image. But that didn't deter me. I went on to smoke at junior college with some pals especially when we cut the classes that we didn't like, such as maths or chemistry or physics class. There were about 3 or 4 of us regular guys and we always hung out at the playground nearby the college. we'd sit on a see saw, me on one end and Owen X or John Tong or Fadzil at the other end, smoke and talk and laugh. Then i came back to Malaysia after junior college and at a private college i smoked still. not very heavy, maybe a pack of 20 ciggies over a couple of days if i didn't go out much. I smoked in my first year at law school at KDU. i smoked when i went abroad to study in University in England, silk cuts was my favourites back then (i switched to Embassy brand later cos they were cheaper but i preferred silk cuts). When i came back to Malaysia i chose Dunhill lights and after graduation i smoked the same until after i started a job as a reporter. Then later i started smoking clove cigarettes from Indonesia, Saemporna brand, following a journalist expatriate pal's habit. i liked the sweet taste of clove cigarettes but they were high on tar and i coughed more than before. One day after everything was over and i was back in malacca with my non-smoking family, i decided that i wanted to quit for health reasons. i was starting to cough a lot and the phlegm i coughed up was light-brownish and thick. later an x-ray of my lungs showed a white spot where the years of smoking had taken their toll. And so i quit cold-turkey, drinking vodka (raided from my parent's drinks cabinet) at night to douse my craving for cigarettes. drinking vodka poached my liver as a blood and urine test showed later, but afterwards i kicked the drinking habit too. But today, almost 10 years after i have quit the ciggies sometimes i still feel that intense craving for that nutty, delicious flavor of a cigarette in my mouth. Some nights when i can't sleep and i lie awake in bed i get the craving for the taste. it just goes to show that once you've been a smoker, you're never a non-smoker even if you quit for good. you're an ex-smoker. i gained about 10 pounds after i quit the habit but the weight gain was worth it. i exercised hard and after a couple of months i regained my former physical fitness and felt much better. there was no more stale cigarette smell in my hair, my body, my clothes. but i am an ex-smoker not a non-smoker. having tasted ciggies, i can still remember the carnal pleasures of a deep long drag and the memory lingers somewhere in the deep recesses of my mind, waiting to be retrieved and to play mistress temptress. It's a life-long struggle but one in which i grow stronger with each passing day that i stay ciggie-free. And i do intend to remain ciggie-free, despite that late night longing that crops up now and then like a bolt of lightning in the night.
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